Events and documentation in preparation
There are always big events requiring preparation here. You may, for example, have heard of the World Enlightenment Forum. You could even find yourself involved in preparations for the next World Enlightenment Forum, or the one after that. Looking to the future is often useful.
When the tour reaches the elegant portico, you may be invited into the grand hallway, one of the main and central rooms of the villa itself. If you have the honour to enter through the beautiful doorway at the grand entrance of the main building, please make your presence known to the volunteers on duty in the hallway at your earliest opportunity.
It would be wise to note that volunteers are not always available to assist you in the hallway and the reporting staff there are usually very busy indeed. Every day is eventful in the hallway, even if the most enlightened views of the news are not necessarily beautiful.
An enlightened approach to hospitality is often provided here in Villa Twaklinilkawt, to refresh you sufficiently for the difficulties you will inevitably face in the next few days, weeks and months.
Excuses and apologies will frequently be made for the ineptitude of the political servants, most of whom are highly inattentive and unresponsive to all forms of democratically suitable training. You will, most likely, also encounter several servants of art, servants of hospitality, servants of justice and servants of knowledge. Their main duty is to maintain beauty.
Whenever the villa is open for leadership, plans are likely to be underway for a wide range of extraordinarily special occasions.
Refreshments may be available, during this current tour, if you are fortunate to find seats in the parlour. Many beautifully enlightening celebrations take place in that location, which is a sign of leadership in itself.
Well-informed guests congregate in the parlour whenever there is someone present to pour the tea. This is particularly the case when currant buns, scones, beautiful cakes and other topics of current interest are likely to be discussed.
The parlour supervisors and assistant supervisors will no doubt provide all the guidance, tea cups, cake plates, eating utensils and beautiful napkins you require.
Opportunities to learn new skills
You may have the opportunity to prepare and share a few refreshments in the service wing, if you have the ability to display an appropriate level of initiative. For example, when no suitably trained person is available for such an important task as pouring the tea in the parlour, there are opportunities to volunteer through the service wing to learn the finer details of that essential, beautiful skill.
If an attentive, competent supervisor of the local and global economy is on duty in the service wing, that personage will be expected to ensure the financial servants act with patience, politeness and decorum. Unfortunately, financial servants, as with political servants, are rarely trustworthy. In fact, competent supervisors are seldom to be found whenever economic matters are mentioned.
Please be aware that you may be asked, in the service wing, in the parlour, or even in the hallway, to provide an indication of the most beautiful services you usually provide to other persons. This will apply even if you currently appear to possess no abilities whatsoever as a suitable supervisor.
If you have the privileged of visiting the library, please remember to lower your voice and lift your mind to higher, more beautiful thoughts than usual. If you allow your allocated guide to lead the way, you may become remarkably enlightened.
Quieter visitors often prefer volunteering in the library, and in its antechamber, rather than through the service wing, the hallway or the parlour. Volunteers are certainly not permitted in the annex, for reasons of international security.
There are many excellent staff and well-trained volunteers in the library. They are able to supply enlightened leadership, as are all persons officially permitted to be associated with Villa Twaklinilkawt in a beautifully non-political capacity. Only persons with a magnificently musical acquaintance with beauty may participate in politics during their experiences here.
Onwards and upwards
For anyone afraid of flights of imagination and even the heights of human achievement, please note that the tour may include an ascent of the observation tower. That experience may begin with a walk along the Twaklinilkawtian corridor.
Training is necessary for the purposes of enlightenment, particularly through the harmonious interplay of beauty, understanding and magnificence, hence many ill-prepared visitors are to be found struggling to climb the observation tower for a better view of the work in progress.
There is a slight possibility that you will gain access to the digital archive on the ground floor of the main building. There is an even more remote chance that you will obtain permission to enter the celebrity visitors' centre on the ground floor of the observation tower. If you are exceedingly lucky, you may reach the highest level, where the reception area of the arts laboratory and universal viewing room will be before you.
To assist with various preparations, including your own, many highly qualified researchers are usually hard at work in the digital archive of the main building, as well as in the service wing, in the parlour and in the library. It is certainly advisable to avail yourself of their services, if you have the honour of that experience.
If you need somewhere pleasant to rest and refresh yourself, and even to celebrate, the beautiful boudoir may occasionally have a small room open for such purposes. A much grander room for celebration, near to the boudoir, is rarely open during ordinary tours.
Work in progress
For somewhere even more peaceful, you may have received an invitation to the serene salon, which is usually held on the piano nobile of the main building in the main dining room, and sometimes extending into the main drawing room.
All the work in progress in and around that area of Villa Twaklinilkawt will be found to be effectively unobtrusive and efficiently inoffensive. If you have been invited to attend the literary salon, rather than the salon for creating world peace, please return to the parlour via the library.
As the tour continues, you may be heard approaching the door to the music room. If you listen carefully, there are likely to be rehearsals occurring, though the sound never intrudes unpleasantly on the work being conducted elsewhere in and around the villa.
In fact, sound advice is also to be heard within the music room. Sound policies are composed there on a daily basis, too.
If you are very fortunate indeed, you may be introduced, somewhere along the way, to our most senior ethereal tour guide, who helps to train all the digital room guides. Our senior guide has often been known to await the arrival of the most distinguished guests in the parlour, to ensure they, too, have the opportunity to take this tour, if time permits.
All the Villa Twaklinilkawt guides will be able to point the way to the lost proper tea office if you appear to be distressed.
Only the most enlightened of visitors usually gain permission to enter the science studio on the ground floor of the main building.
Almost no-one is allowed to enter the arts laboratory on the top floor of the observation tower, though you may, depending on the gravity of the situation, have already obtained the right to enjoy the view from the latter's reception area.
For a truly satisfying visit, bookings are often essential, well in advance, particular for the more exclusive areas of the villa. Fees and charges will obviously apply.
As well as a sliding gate at the front of the driveway to the ordinary suburban house, behind which Villa Twaklinilkawt sits, there are also two side gates to and from the backyard. The tall, solid wooden side gate, between the garage and the house, is usually only unlocked on waste collection days. That is when the plastic wheelie bins are pulled from the backyard to the front nature strip by one of the current residents.
The unnatural nature strip is usually maintained by one of the residents of the ordinary house with a lawnmower kept in the garage for that sole and soul-less pursuit. The grass cuttings from the nature strip are the only green waste collected from that location, being contaminated with weeds and vehicle fumes. Everything else in the grounds is either recycled or composted or given to charity or put out on hard rubbish collection day or placed in the ordinary bin or disposed of as sewerage.
Keeping things beautiful
A neat and tidy location is not, however, necessarily a safe place when there are irresponsible users of roads, rates and rubbish on the prowl. Art is meant to balance the ugliness of the worst of society and to cover its most unimaginative aspects.
Having long provided the world with access to beautiful views, the ethereal proprietor of Villa Twaklinilkawt earlier inhabited a wide range of other, ever changing locations. She arrived in this vicinity at the beginning of 2009, seeking a permanent dwelling place as its genius loci.
Until recently, the proprietor mainly inhabited the ordinary suburban house as the muse of one of its inhabitants. She then expanded her influence during dry weather to the entire world through the digital sphere. This was erratically and dramatically possible with the assistance of a dial-up modem, deteriorating copper wires and a second-hand computational machine.
During wet weather, the digital communications mechanisms often failed to suffice. In fact, they had been in that condition for several years. That was why a mobile Internet connection was subsequently supplied to assist the development of Villa Twaklinilkawt. Even that has been barely adequate.
An unusually beautiful second-hand, wrought iron gate sits at the side of the suburban house, away from the garage. The gate has a highly sensitive, encrypted locking and unlocking mechanism and a very unusual key.
The tour continues this way