Thursday, 18 August 2016

Your Allocated Adelaidean Guide

If this is your first digital visit to Villa Twaklinilkawt, or you have not been here recently, do make your way to the starting point of the official public tour now in order to receive further enlightenment.


Are you fully aware of the location?

Did you receive the official welcome?

Many people take tours without fully comprehending where they happen to be or why they happen to be there.

Why are you here?

What do you hope to experience in Villa Twaklinilkawt?

How do you anticipate your tour will enhance your existence incomparably?

Your allocated Adelaidean guide will help you to find your bearings during the early part of your experience here.

How well prepared are you for a beautiful experience?

As you will have already noticed, Villa Twaklinilkawt is an elegant, artistic, peaceful and ethereal environment.  It is therefore unlike the cacophonous corners of Mr Twitter's Coffee House and the gossipy galleries of Lady Facebookian's unusual establishment.

To become an Adelaidean guide, here in Villa Twaklinilkawt, requires a considerable amount of knowledge and training, good manners and extraordinary patience.

Villa Twaklinilkawt displays magnificent reflections of the best of everything likely to be discovered and experienced in the world's most wonderfully welcoming stately homes, art galleries, libraries, archives, museums, theatres, opera houses, music rooms, concert halls, town halls, entrance halls, historic palaces, glorious gardens, peaceful homes, well-managed charitable institutions and caring communities. Now, what sort of guidance do you desire and require?

Your guide will assume you have a reasonable level of literacy in the English language with which to interpret all the signs and instructions sufficiently.  You will be expected to be observant, attentive and open minded.

Please ensure you are familiar with all the necessary safety instructions.

There are many wonderful things to learn on a tour of Villa Twaklinilkawt.  There is much to discover.

There are, obviously, also many costs involved in relation to providing such a welcoming and enlightening place for mature, elegant, sophisticated members of the global public to experience and enjoy.

Being respectful would be a very good idea indeed.  It is likely, if you have any curiosity at all, that you currently desire to learn more about the villa.

Do ensure you keep up-to-date on the latest Villa Twaklinilkawt news before each arrival.  Your allocated Adelaidean guide will be assessing your personality and motives with great care and attention.  No-one here has much time for laziness.

As you may wish to ask questions during this (currently) free digital tour, do at least try to make them interesting.  Frequently asked questions are exceedingly tedious.

What are your reasonable expectations of your time here?

What are your most unreasonable expectations in any situation?

If you have any infrequently asked questions, do please provide them in the manner required.

Your allocated Adelaidean guide will have received much training through the service wing.  Please do not assume, however, that the individual is your inferior.  Quite the opposite is likely to be true.  Are you some sort of servant or somewhat selfish?

If anyone is preparing for big events in and around Villa Twaklinilkawt, your guide will attempt to ensure you are kept well out of everyone's way.  If you make a nuisance of yourself, please be prepared to pay the consequences, quite literally.

How do you usually compensate the world for your ignorance and insensitivity?

As part of an ongoing psychological assessment of your leadership potential, your allocated Adelaidean guide will most likely ask about your experiences of participating in the World Enlightenment Forum.

The questioning will also provide your allocated guide with an indication of whether you are trustworthy enough to gain the honour of entering at least a small part of the beautiful boudoir.

If you are reasonably polite with an acceptably standard of hygiene and a better-than-average grasp of history, you may receive an invitation to meet our most senior ethereal tour guide, who is not an Adelaidean.

Your Adelaidean guide will assess your suitability for that privilege.

If you have the intention of learning about the digital room guides and other volunteers, possibly with a view to becoming a volunteer here yourself, your Adelaidean guide will supply the necessary introductions.

When attending special occasions in the room for celebration, your allocated Adelaidean guide will stay with you at all times to ensure you comply with all the necessary protocols.

Your guide will stay with you, too, along the Twaklinilkawtian corridor, mainly to ensure you are not excessively bewildered and intimidated in that majestic artistic passageway.  A few of the digital room guides have been known to interact with visitors there in unexpected ways.  Please be alert but not alarmed.

If you intend to go through Twaklinesque long galleries A and/or B, please note that your allocated Adelaidean guide will then leave you to your own devices, digitally, ethereally and physically.

When attempting to find your allocated guide again, you may be required to spend some time observing the administrative and curatorial offices.  No-one has time just to wait around here.  There is always plenty of administrative, curatorial and research work to do.

At the beginning of your guided tour, you will have spent an appropriate amount of time within the glorious gateway of gratitude, learning many ethereal facts and figures.  Your allocated Adelaidean guide will have taken you aesthetically and sympathetically along the sublime pathways most suited to your hopes, dreams and ambitions.

If you are considered by your guide to be remarkably imaginative, then viewing the apparitional pavilion may be a possibility for you.  That privilege usually only applies to 5% of visitors.

Only 2% of visitors have a chance to attend specially occasions in the room for celebration and about 30% have a chance to meet the senior ethereal tour guide.

No guide associated with Villa Twaklinilkawt will bother you if you intend to spend a few hours or days within a little writing hut in one of the walled gardens.  Bookings for the huts are required several months in advance at present.

78% of visitors to Villa Twaklinilkawt consider themselves to be writers.  The ethereal proprietor has therefore provided literary accommodation reflective of the economic realities of that vocation.

Your allocated Adelaidean guide will assist you with access to beautiful views, espeically if you are unable to gain that access without support.

As you will soon discover, your Adelaidean guide has been initiated in the art of Twaklinian poetry, having received insights into its features whilst studying in the original training pavilion.

Your guide will, most likely, poetically ask you questions relating to the official history of Villa Twaklinilkawt.  This will occur as soon as you start looking for the official sign of hope.