Contact

The Official Villa Twaklinilkawt Communications Team


All persons legitimately associated with Villa Twaklinilkawt are required to be imaginative whenever they are not asleep, and even when they are asleep.

Please do not disturb anyone unnecessarily.

All reasonable, reciprocal contact will be supplied with the assistance of Reality or another senior, highly trained member of the official Villa Twaklinilkawt communications team.

If you do not receive anything but a generic response from the team, or no response at all, please identify the faults in your original message before seeking further information.


Reasonably reciprocity


There is no obligation on the part of anyone associated with Villa Twaklinilkawt to respond to any request unless a significant mutual benefit is provided.  Any information received without an outline of significant mutual benefits will be considered to be insulting and even abusive.

Please note that most forms of unnecessary or unpleasant contact, and any sort of disturbance or impertinence, will be invoiced by the official Villa Twaklinilkawt communications team.  Payments must be made within ten days to ensure a late payment fee is not required.

 

Reasonable fees and charges


Before making a request for one of the usual responses to be supplied to you by email, please ensure you are familiar with all the aforementioned prerequisite readings and courtesies.

A Tedious Repetition Fee ( TRF) is charged whenever frequently asked questions are asked.  Each word in each tediously repetitive response, regardless of length or etymology, is currently valued at $120 in the local currency.

A Rudeness Remediation Payment (RRP) is a flat fee of $8,000, unless litigation becomes necessary, in which case it would be advisable to speak to a trustworthy financial adviser at your earliest opportunity.  An alternative option is to book a seat in the room for remedial etiquette.

An Invoice Administration Charge (IAC) of $2,500 is added to every invoice sent from Villa Twaklinikawt, regardless of the amount due.

All invoices must be paid in full at least ten days before the required information is to be supplied.  A Belated Invoice Levy (BIL) of $25 per additional hour will be added to the due amount.


Reasonable advice and assistance


The staff within Villa Twaklinilkawt do not provide individual, remedial literacy lessons.  Please seek assistance with literacy elsewhere.

The Introductory Digital Etiquette Advice (IDEA) provided in the room for remedial etiquette in Villa Twaklinilkawt begins at $3,000 per hour for a minimum of three hours.  The minimum cost for an IDEA plus the IAC will therefore be $11,000.  If you have any questions, do remember to add a sufficient amount for the TRF if you have not completed the prerequisite readings.

Please note that remedial arithmetic lessons are not supplied within Villa Twaklinilkawt.  Please seek assistance elsewhere.


Reasonable additional requests


Persons asking frequently asked questions about etiquette during an IDEA are likely to require remedial etiquette classes (REC).  These are regularly supplied within Villa Twaklinilkawt, subject to the availability of suitably qualified educators.  Waiting lists are currently operating for most RECs.

If you are mostly interested in philanthropic and diplomatic pursuits, you may wish to know that Reality is currently just one of several Senior Communications Officers within Villa Twaklinilkawt.  She is also the Administrative Manager and Artistic Director of the Villa Twaklinilkawt and Associated Institutions' Fun-in-the-Funnel Fundraising Team.

Should you wish to be in touch with Reality personally, rather than through one of her relatively anonymous and frequently unpaid assistants, please note that she expects to receive an income for reading anything from anyone.

Several ethereal, unpaid staff members and many highly trained volunteers and reasonably well supervised interns currently supply the following items for philanthropic purposes:


1. Free training in basic awareness

2. Free guidance on good manners

3. Free advice on enlightened etiquette

4. Free entry to a virtual tour


Reality may, for artistic and satirical purposes, occasionally be referred to as Twaklin though that obviously causes considerable confusion from time to time, especially in the mainstream media.

Your additional enlightenment is likely to ensue if you keep up-to-date with the work within Villa Twaklinilkawt through the following fashionable and elegant communications services:

Twitter
@twaklin

Google
+Twaklin Adelaidezone

Facebook
Beauty, Understanding and Magnificence

Email
twaklin (AT) gmail . com


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